


To touch, to hold, to love.

by VNVdarkangel



Series: As the bird landed on the ocean [4]
Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: Discovery, F/F, First Time, Fluff, HthaN-worldline
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:06:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25114366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VNVdarkangel/pseuds/VNVdarkangel
Summary: Umi and Kotori wonder if it is time to develop their relationship, and what is keeping them
Relationships: Minami Kotori/Sonoda Umi
Series: As the bird landed on the ocean [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1797262
Comments: 4
Kudos: 46





	1. Intimacy

**Author's Note:**

> Kotori and Umi are in their third year and over 18. Just putting that out there.

Intimacy.

A word, holding both promise and the exposure. But… she wanted them to be complete, to be of one soul _and_ body. To be close. To love both mental and physical.

It was the right thing to do.  
It was the right thing to want.  
It was the right thing to desire.

She stopped her thoughts. Desire. Was she worthy of desire? To feel it, to crave it? She took pride in keeping her body in shape, she always had. Her peers marvelling at her discipline and the high standards she expected from her herself, but now she began to question if her body would be deemed desirable. No, no, no. She would be accepted. She had found mental acceptance, she was loved and if the actions that had led to these thoughts were anything to go by, any blemishes she might have would be accepted by her chosen partner. Probably.

Umi just hated to be uncertain. But physical intimacy was the next logical step for her and Kotori and given the length of their relationship it was probably expected by now. Yet, Kotori and Umi had never crossed the unspoken line, something that, given the rising intensity in their physical interactions. Umi had started to see this as a block to developing their relationship further. Umi had often caught her hand beginning to slide onto the exposed skin when Kotori’s shirt became loose, withdrawing it as she noticed a change in Kotori’s expression, Umi excusing her inappropriate behaviour.

Any good relationship relied on communication. She would ask Kotori later today at their study session.

* * *

Kotori looked at her waist in the mirror. Was she too firm, too soft? She might not be an idol anymore, but that hadn’t stopped her from keeping in shape. For Umi, it was the least she could do. Maybe she wasn’t physically attractive to Umi? _Nonsense_ , she told herself. She had seen how Umi had opened up about what she earlier would have called _shameless behaviour_. Their times alone together had evolved with time, slowly but surely going in one direction. The handholding, hugs and shy kissing had transformed into make-out sessions with deep kisses, rosied cheeks and the occasional _misplaced_ hand. However, every time that Kotori’s shirt had come out of her skirt and Umi’s hand touched the skin, Umi had rapidly removed her hand, excusing her behaviour. The more Kotori thought about it, she began to realize that Umi was probably reading the change in Kotori’s breathing as akin to discomfort even though the hitch in her breath wasn’t anything even close to that. She wanted Umi’s hands to touch her, the sensation not just limited to her arms and face. And she wanted to feel Umi’s skin too. Was this desire?

Whatever it was, she needed to talk to Umi about it. The afterschool study session at Umi’s a good opportunity as ever.

* * *

There was a charge in the room and not just because they were alone. The scribbling of pencil on paper, the occasional touch, clearing of the throat, it all built up to a tension that waited to be unleashed. The question was only who would press the button first.

Kotori broke first. She slammed her pen down on the table. Umi jumped.

“Kotori, is something wrong?”  
“What? No, Umi-chan of course not… eh… well… maybe. There is something I want to ask you about.”  
“Such a coincidence, I do as well. But please.”

Kotori looked around in panic. Umi reached out and put her hand on Kotori’s.

“It’s alright, my dear.”, Umi said in a soft voice looking straight into her eyes, “I will listen to whatever you have to say.”

Kotori turned her hand and held on to Umi’s. This was her opening; she could only hope that Umi would understand.

“Umi-chan… is there… something about me that you don’t like? Physically I mean.”

Umi’s eyebrows shot up in shock.

“Of course not. You are beyond beautiful in character and physical appearance. In fact, I find myself sometimes unable to refrain myself until the very last moment.”

_Ahh._

“Umi-chan… why?”  
“Uh?”  
“Why do you?”  
“I don’t understand the question.”, Umi’s look was blank, Kotori could see that she desperately was trying to play along in a situation she was totally outclassed by.  
“Umi-chan… why do you hold yourself back?”  
“I…” Umi looked down into the table, “am uncertain if my want for you is… becoming. If I am… good enough for you.”  
“Of course you are!” Kotori exclaimed.

Umi looked up.

“I think we both want this, am I wrong Umi?”, Kotori asked.  
“No, you’re not wrong… just… I lack any of experience… and… looking up things online was too horrid an experience to repeat.”

_Oh, she’d managed to find ‘those’ sites…_

“Umi-chan… we can learn… together. We just need to be honest with each other. About what we like.”  
“You’re right.” Umi nodded, “I was foolish to be so afraid to talk to you earlier.”  
“So what did you want to ask me?”  
“Excuse me?”  
“Earlier, you said you wanted to ask me something.”  
“It… eh… was about the same topic. I found myself feeling doubts as to my attractiveness, but…” she quickly raised her hands, “that is all in the past now.”

They both let out a sigh of relief.

“Umi-chan?”  
“Yes Kotori?”  
“Do you… think I can stay over tonight?”  
“I don’t think our study session will last that long.”

Kotori looked at Umi and giggled.

“Huh?”  
“Silly Umi-chan.”  
“I don’t think I understand.”  
“I want to stay here overnight to be with you.”  
“But you always…”  
“Umi-chan. I want to be with you, feel you, let you feel me. So we can learn about each other. Together.”

Finally, Umi understood and became beet red.

“I’ll… I’ll ask my parents, you ask yours. I’ll be right back”  
“Already on it.” Umi heard behind her as she went to find her parents.


	2. Discovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Umi and Kotori's expedition begins.

Discovery

_Can a discovery truly be a discovery if you know what you hope to find is a deeper understanding both of yourself and the one you hold dear? Or is it more akin to an undiscovered country? A known and familiar landscape, yet unvisited and hence new?_

For Umi and Kotori, the afternoon turned into evening, a pleasant dinner with Umi’s family who adored Kotori and had been supportive from the start, and then night-time.

As the noises of the night permeated the grounds, Umi sat in her usual spot on the wooden walkway, a cup of tea in hand. And like many times before, Kotori was sitting at her side, resting her head on Umi’s shoulder. Even with the cold night wind blowing, Umi felt warm, warmer even than the bath she’d taken earlier. And despite this, she was shaking. Small rings forming on top of her tea. Kotori glanced at the mug.

“Nervous, Umi-chan?”  
“Me? Of course not…” Umi almost explosively replied but then mellowed, “No, that’s not true. I’m terrified. Terrified that I’ll do something wrong. That I’ll do something you don’t like…”  
“Umi-chan… that is why we are doing this. To learn and to understand how we like to feel.”

Kotori shifted her weight.

“But if you don’t feel like it then…”  
“No. I want to. I’m just scared, I think.”

Kotori sighed.

“Good to know it’s not only me then. I’m also scared. Maybe if we’re both scared, it means that we will be gentle and attentive, that we’re in this together.” Kotori wrapped her hand arounds Umi’s shaking hand. The shaking stopped.

“I think that helped, Kotori. I am still nervous but… I no longer feel panic. You’re wonderful.” she kissed Kotori gently on the head.

Kotori reached for the mug, lifted it out of Umi’s hands and put it down next to her. Then she cupped Umi’s bewildered face in her hands and kissed her, first gently, slowly building up intensity until the soft moans of them both filled the evening. As Kotori’s hands began to move from Umi’s face and down her neck towards her chest Umi suddenly gently took hold of Kotori’s arms and whispered.

“Let’s go inside.”

* * *

In glow from the nightlight everything seemed warmer. The floor, the walls, they. They sat opposite each other, kissing, touching feeling, nightwear still worn om their bodies. The occasional brush of the fabric on skin by virtue of the pressure of hands caused occasional gasps of air to escape from their lungs, eyes opening an shutting as more and more fire accumulated in them.

Umi gently lent forward, slowly pushing down Kotori into the futon, the tatami giving a familiar stability for her arm as its companion searched for the hem of Kotori’s nightshirt. Finding it, she opened her eyes and looked into Kotori’s fiery orbs, asking permission.

“Yes.” Kotori nodded.

Carefully, Umi let her hand slide in under the garment, which had already crept up to the beltline, and let her hand touch Kotori’s skin.  
She knew that her hand was just touching skin, nothing special about it, but this was Kotori, the person she loved, respected and desired. She felt shameless, like she was an unwelcomed invader, defiling something pure. She wanted to remove her hand but the expression on Kotori’s face made her stop.  
For Kotori, the moment when Umi’s hand made contact felt like a pure happiness had touched her. Umi’s hands on her body were nothing new per se, but like this right now, it was magic. The touch was soft and careful, like Umi was handling something very precious that she was afraid to break. Kotori looked up at Umi, smiling, felling happy. She’d felt for an instance the hand lifting but now, she felt its steady pressure on her skin, exploring her abdomen with gentle movements.  
Very slowly, Umi moved her hand upwards until they encountered another barrier, she instinctively jerked the hand back but didn’t manage to get it very far as her face was grabbed by Kotori and pulled towards hers.

“It’s ok.” Kotori whispered, kissing Umi deeply, alleviating her fears.

Umi’s hand moved, as if willed by Kotori’s words, over the soft fabric of the bra, gently passing from fabric to skin to fabric again. The look on Kotori’s face and her breathing told Umi all, Kotori was deeply affected and pleasured by Umi’s touch, even more so than when she’d touched her middle. Every time Umi’s hand grazed the upper part of Kotori’s breasts, Kotori’s breathing would change, becoming quicker and shallower as if gasping for air.

“Umi…chan… Umi…chan…” Kotori’s voice whispered.  
“Is… is this ok? A—am I …” Umi stammered.  
“Help me… take it off.”  
“What? Off? What?”

Kotori slowly raised herself, holding Umi’s hand in place as they both sat. With her other hand, she started to lift her top.

“This, Umi-chan.”  
  


The warmth from the hand touching Kotori’s skin made her other hand act on its own, grabbing hold of the edge and in consort with Kotori’s lifting the clothing over her head and away.  
Kotori shook out her hair. Umi could do nothing but stare at the display, her hand flat against Kotori’s chest.

_She’s breathtaking._

“See something you like?” Kotori whispered, a finger playing on Umi’s arm.  
“You’re so beautiful. I mean… I…”  
“Shh.” Kotori pointed to the top of Umi’s nightclothes, “Can I?”

Umi could only nod, as Kotori lifted the striped cloth over Umi’s head, tossing it over to her top.

“I should fold…” Umi whispered a protest as she suddenly gasped for air.

Looking down she saw both of Kotori’s hands on her, just to be withdrawn a second later. Her body screaming by the loss.

“I’m sorry…” Kotori whispered, “I didn’t ask… I’m sorry.”

Instead of replying Umi reached out and gently took hold of Kotori’s wrists, pulling them towards her, only letting go after she felt the warm touch again. She nodded to Kotori, blushing. With every sensation of pressure, Umi felt herself getting warmer, Kotori slowly tracing the contours of her toned body, Umi felt overdressed, though only her bra was the only clothing covering her torso. It had to go. With a swift hand, she undid the back hook and let it fall to the ground. Kotori gulped. Umi, realizing what she’d done felt both shame and exhilaration. Excited for there was no longer a divider between her body and Kotori’s hands, but at the same time, Kotori’s reaction was probably out of disgust over her visage. Her arms started to move to cover herself, but Kotori caught them.

“I must seem unsightly too you. I apologize, I just…” Umi whispered until Kotori sealed her mouth with a deep kiss.  
“No, it’s not that at all. I was just surprised you did that... so pretty… may I?” Kotori’s hand hovered over Umi’s breast.

Umi nodded, closing her eyes. At first, she felt Kotori’s hand tracing the circumference, slowly moving inward, first one finger, then two, then the whole hand. It felt soft, warm and gentle, everything that Kotori represented, but as the sensations accumulated, she found her breath hitching and becoming laboured, finalizing in a deep moan and a sharp exhale of breath as Kotori’s fingers touched the centre.

“Umi-chan? Was that good?” Kotori’s voice was shaking.  
  


Umi tried to answer, but to no avail, her brain could simply not formulate a coherent sentence to express the ecstasy she felt and her desire to gift the same feeling for Kotori. Instead, she leant over and kissed Kotori on the neck, Kotori letting out a gasp and letting her head fall back.

The rhythm of requesting and responding continued, the few remaining items of clothing rapidly piling up until none remained. Exchanges were limited to gestures and signs, language becoming irrelevant since It could not convey the depth of their feelings.

Kotori raised herself from the floor and bent over Umi, applying slight pressure to her shoulders, the request acknowledged, Umi lay down on the futon, Kotori hovering above her.  
Lowering herself, she placed a kiss on Umi’s check, another one on her neck, with each kiss purposefully moving south. As she neared Umi’s bus, Kotori circled, kissing each area while looking up at Umi who was struggling to keep still, her hands gripping and letting go of the futon cover. Kotori pressed her tongue through her lips on one kiss, stopping afterwards to see Umi’s reaction.

“Don—t… stop…” Umi whispered, her voice guttural.

Inching closer to the core Kotori’s pressure evolved from short stabbing motions to long licks, the sensation setting of fireworks in Umi’s brain while Kotori’s hand began move around Umi’s abdomen, caressing her legs, but avoiding the crossroads. Almost at the centre Kotori stopped again.

“Don’t…” Umi hissed again but halting the rest of her words.

Kotori was squeezing her leg, close to… Umi understood.

“I’ll say stop… if I have to”, Umi said in a voice louder than a whisper but more silent then regular speech, “just be gentle my love.” A smile followed. Kotori quickly moved up to kiss Umi then resumed.

Both Kotori’s mouth and hand crawled closer to their respective goals, the fingers gently probing and stroking each fold of skin they encountered moving ever closer. On the finish line, Kotori flicked her tongue at the erect peak at the same time as her finger slid across Umi’s button, sending untold impressions through the blunette’s body. Umi moaned loudly, she heard herself, the spell broke. She gasped and rolled herself together into a ball and turned away from Kotori in shock.

_What just happened? What was that? Why do I feel so conflicted… Kotori… no…_

Kotori was by her side almost immediately.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry” she repeated in a panic, trying to wrap her arms around Umi.

_It’s not your fault… no… you did nothing wrong… I… I acted shamelessly… and in front of you…_

In her mind’s eye she could see Kotori’s tears streaking down her face. No! This was not how this should be. Umi quickly turned, catching her girlfriend in her arm, pressing Kotori to her chest.

“It’s ok, it’s ok. It’s ok. You did nothing wrong. I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”  
“But… Umi-chan…” Kotori’s voice was struggling to keep level.  
“I’m sorry. Kotori. I’m sorry. I… I… please forgive me…”  
“I should be one asking you… Umi-chan…”  
  


Umi opened her embrace and brought Kotori’s face to her own.

“Kotori, please listen. You did nothing wrong. It felt wonderful, like nothing else I have ever felt, but… I panicked when I heard myself, I felt so shameless, like I was an animal, consumed by lust. But…” she looked embarrassed to the side, “I want to feel it again, hopefully help you feel it too. Please don’t think that you erred. What you did was… magnificent. Amazing. Wonderful. I’ve never felt like that before. Please calm down.”

Umi kissed her girlfriend. Once. Twice. Thrice. She felt Kotori calm down, the magic slowly returning to them. She gently pushed Kotori down into the futon while still kissing her.

“Will.. you… allow… me?” she asked. Kotori nodded.

Umi sat herself astride Kotori, marveling at the sight in the glow of the light.

“You are so stunning.”

She bent forward, kissing Kotori’s stomach, drawing circles with her tongue. Kotori’s breath hitched, her hands either gripping the futon or moving through Umi’s hair. Umi’s hands slowly explored Kotori, applying either pressure or lightness, depending on the reaction she saw. The entire process made Umi feel… happy and content. The feeling of Kotori’s skin, the sound of her breathing and the spasms her body made in reaction to Umi’s touches re-lit her fire, throwing away any sense of shame. She felt powerful, yet not in control of herself, a slave to what Kotori wished her to do. And she was ok with that.

“Umi—chan…” The words were soft and full of expectation.  
“Relax, dearest. Let me show you.”

Kotori started to pant as Umi’s lips closed on her peak.

* * *

Umi’s mother walked the hallways to Umi’s room to get her daughter, and more importantly Kotori-chan, to breakfast before they headed off to school. She silently opened the door panel and was suddenly frozen in place. The sight, though probably expected, was still a bit jarring. Umi and Kotori were lying in the same futon with Kotori’s head on Umi’s chest. Umi’s _bare_ chest. A content and happy smile decorating their faces. Looking further in she saw a pile of their clothes, including their underwear. She carefully slid back into the hallway, closed the panel and, raising her voice slightly called for them to come to breakfast. Walking slowly back as she heard hurried activity, she smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt I had to up the rating for this since it does get kidna racy, if you disagree please say so. I'm very uncertain when it comes to the rating system.


End file.
